So I think I can write for half an hour. Surely I can. I went to school. Thousands of kids in this world never got the chance to go to school.
I write because….
And I don’t write… Maybe the question should be why don’t I write? But I have been writing.
I thought I started a blog because I wanted to find out how to make money online. But the thought occurs to me now, that I started a blog because I didn’t want to be idle. And I wasn’t idle. I was busy filling my time finding out how to write a blog. Most people think they know what they’re doing. I did to an extent, but there was part of me that had no idea what I was doing. I had time.
I was furious. I didn’t want time. I wanted my damn job back. I wanted to put a deposit down on a house for my family and I wanted to pay off my home. I didn’t want my plans upset and I didn’t want to go out and get another job.
So I didn’t. I took the time. I started a blog.
Who has the gift of time these days? There must be a reason for this gift. Maybe I’ve started to write a blog because it’s what I need to do to find out that I ought to be writing. But now I’ve got no time again. I’m writing a blog.
And I don’t write. I blog. The funny thing is, people are actually reading it and tell me they are enjoying reading it. I have discovered that I enjoy writing it. But It’s not creative writing. I’ve never really tried that because I was never great at writing at school, nor was I ever keen on reading the prescribed school books. And yet I have been an avid reader all my life. With a particular taste for anything weird or unconventional.
I know when I pick up a book and read the first sentence, whether I am going to read that book to the end. There are very few books that I have picked up and not finished. Some I have struggled with, some have defeated me two thirds through. But mostly, if I haven’t put it down after the first sentence, I stick with it to the end. I think this gives me a good foundation if I am going to write.
Its a new situation for me, having time to think. I have often thought, if I could just write the first sentence, and had the time, that I could write a whole book. I could create my own world and control all of the characters and events.
That first sentence was never written. There was no time for the second and the third…
And I annoy myself with my default mode of thinking. Which is, when it comes to writing, that I could not write a successful book made into a film like one of my extended family members did. Or have several of my books published like another family member.
But I don’t need to be published or to write a best seller. Or to be a poet. I just need to sort my head out. If this is what writing does, then I need to do it.
If I write, it will be “because there is some lie that I want to expose” (George Orwell)
or “because I don’t know what I think until I read what I say.” (Flannery O’Connor)
or for some reason I’m not yet aware of – “I don’t know” (Cormac McCarthy)
I’m relaxed. I can go with the flow.
I’m doing Writing 101